Friday, July 31, 2009
Andrew Jackson, Original Badass....
When the 1828 election rolled around, a lot of people were terrified when they heard Andrew "Old Hickory" Jackson was running. If you're wondering how a guy we're calling a bad ass got such a lame nickname, it's because he used to carry a hickory cane around and beat people senseless with it, and if you're wondering why he did that, it's because he was a fucking lunatic.
Former Democratic Senator and Secretary of the Treasurey Albert Gallatin feared a Jackson presidency because of his "habitual disregard of laws and constitutional provisions." Or in other words, the man was a loose canon--17th Century Washigton's answer to Martin Riggs. Sure, he probably didn't have an irate black lieutenant to answer to, or a weary partner who was too old for this shit, but he most certainly had a death wish.
How do we know? Well, despite everyone's best efforts, Jackson was elected to the top office, and when he wasn't busy shaping the Presidency as we know it today, you could find him out back dueling. In case you haven't been to the 18th century lately, this unmanly sounding activity actually involves standing across from an armed man and shooting at him while he in turn shoots at you. The number of duels that Jackson took part in varies depending on what source you consult; some say 13, while others rank the number somewhere in the 100's, both of which are entirely too many times for a reasonable human being to stand in front of someone who is strying to kill them with a loaded gun.
On one occasion, he challenged a man named Charles Dickinson to a duel, (the reason behind it wasn't important, not to us and certainly not to Jackson), and Jackson was even kind enough to give Dickinson the first shot. We're gonna go ahead and repeat that: In a duel with pistols, Jackson politely volunteers to be shot at first. Dickinson happily obliged and shot Jackson, who proceeded to shake it off like it was a bee sting. When Jackson returned the favor, Dickinson was not so lucky, and that's why his face isn't on the twenty. The bullet, by the by, remained in Jackson's body for 19 years because, we assume, Jackson knew that time spent removing the bullets would just fall under the general category of "time not dueling," Jackson's least favorite category.
Andrew Jackson may have been the first master of Gun Kata
Greatest Display of Badassedry:
Andrew Jackson was the first president on whom an assassination attempt was made. A man named Richard Lawrence approached Jackson with two pistols both of which, for some reason, misfired. With the possibility of an assassination taken off the table, Jackson proceeded to beat Lawrence near death with his cane until Jackson's aides pulled him off the assassin.
The guns were inspected afterwards and it was discovered that they were in perfect working order, leading some historians to believe that it was an odds-defying "miracle" that Jackson survived, while we're pretty sure that the bullets, like everyone else, were simply scared of Jackson.
Most Badass Quote:
"I have only two regrets: I didn't shoot Henry Clay and I didn't hang John C. Calhoun."
That's right. In a life rich with murdering people for little-to-no reason, Jackson's only regret was that he didn't kill quite enough people. People like Calhoun who, it should be noted, was Jackson's vice president.
Rorschach Cheat Sheet on Wikipedia!
Thursday, July 30, 2009
This is Why California Needs to Slide into the Sea...
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Texts From Last Night
Out-of-context text messages. Too funny. Link.
Examples:
(423): he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
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(212): i want you now
(916): you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
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(404): Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
(1-404): Two?
(404): Two.
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(902): and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
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(619): just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
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(281): had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
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(216): Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
(440): Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
(216): Holy shit r u serious? How?
(440): Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
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(774): i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
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(315): So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
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(315): So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
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(847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Good Stuff!
Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy
We are going to be mainstream soon! LOL
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Drag me to Health Care
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Drag Me to Health - Universal Health Care | ||||
| ||||
43 Bizzare Interview Answers
Hiring managers shared these 43 memorable interview responses (from CNN.com):
Why did you leave your last job?
"I have a problem with authority." - Carrie Rocha, COO of HousingLink
Tell us about a problem you had with a co-worker and how you resolved it
"The resolution was we were both fired."- Jason Shindler, CEO, Curvine Web Solutions
What kind of computer software have you used?
"Computers? Are those the black boxes that sit on the floor next to the desks? My boss has one of those. He uses it. I don't have one. He just gives me my schedule and I follow it." - Greg Szymanski, director of human resources, Geonerco Management, Inc
What are your hobbies and interests?
"[He said] 'Well, as you can see, I'm a young, virile man and I'm single -- if you ladies know what I'm saying.' Then he looked at one of the fair-haired board members and said, 'I particularly like blondes.'" - Petri R.J. Darby, president, darbyDarnit Public Relations
Why should we hire you?
"I would be a great asset to the events team because I party all the time." - Bill McGowan, founder, Clarity Media Group
Do you have any questions?
"Cross dressing isn't a problem is it?" - Barry Maher, Barry Maher & Associates
"If you were a fruit, what fruit would you be?" - Megan Garnett, Articulate Leadership Team, Articulate Communications Inc.
"What do you want me to do if I cannot walk to work if it's raining? Can you pick me up?" - Christine Pechstein, career coach
"I was a Chamber of Commerce Executive once hiring a secretary. [The candidate asked] 'What does a Chamber of Commerce do?'" - Mary Kurek, Mary Kurek, Inc. Visibility Consulting
"Can we wrap this up fairly quickly? I have someplace I have to go." - Bruce Campbell, vice president of marketing, Clare Computer Solutions
"What is your company's policy on Monday absences?" - Campbell
"If this doesn't work out can I call you to go out sometime?" - Christine Bolzan, founder of Graduate Career Coaching
"How big do the bonuses really get once you make associate? I hear it's some serious cash." - Bolzan
"[The candidate asked,] 'Can my dad call you to talk about the job and the training program? He is really upset I'm not going to medical school and wants someone to explain the Wall Street path to him.' The dad did call. Then that dad's friends called and I ended up doing a conference call with a group of concerned parents ... long story." - Bolzan
"If I get an offer, how long do I have before I have to take the drug test?" - Bolzan
"When you do background checks on candidates, do things like public drunkenness arrests come up?" - Bolzan
"Can I get a tour of the breast pumping room? I heard you have a great one here and while I don't plan on having children for at least 10 or 12 years, I will definitely breast feed and would want to use that room."- Bolzan
"So, how much do they pay you for doing these interviews?" -- Jodi R.R. Smith, Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting
Why are you leaving your current job?
"Because I (expletive) my pants every time I enter the building." - Abbe Mortimore, Human Resources Manager, True Textiles, Inc.
"I was fired from my last job because they were forcing me to attend anger management classes." - Smith
Why are you looking for a job?
"Cigarettes are getting more expensive, so I need another job." - Pechstein
"My parents told me I need to get a job so that is why I'm here." - McGowan
Why do you want to work for us?
"Just for the benefits." - Jennifer Juergens, JJ Communications
"My old boss didn't like me, so one day, I just left and never came back. And here I am!" - Matt Cowall, communications manager, Appia Communications
"I saw the job posted on Twitter and thought, why not?" - Rebecca Gertsmark Oren, Communications Director at The Rudd Center for Food Policy and Obesity
What are your assets? (as in strengths)
"Well, I do own a bike." - Pam Venné, principal, The Venné Group
What are your weaknesses?
"I get angry easily and I went to jail for domestic violence. But I won't get mad at you." - Pechstein
"I had a job candidate tell me that she often oversleeps and has trouble getting out of bed in the morning." - Linda Yaffe, certified executive coach
"I am an alcoholic and do not deserve this job." - Deb Bailey, owner, Power Women Magazine & Radio Show
"I'm really not a big learner. You know ... some people love learning and are always picking up new things, but that's just not me. I'd much rather work at a place where the job is pretty stagnant and doesn't change a lot." -- Michaele Charles, Voice Communications
When have you demonstrated leadership skills?
"Well my best example would be in the world of online video gaming. I pretty much run the show; it takes a lot to do that." - Rachel Croce
Is there anything else I should know about you?
"You should probably know I mud wrestle on the weekends." - Venne
When can you start?
"I need to check with my mom on that one." - Bolzan
Use three adjectives to describe yourself
"I hate questions like this." - Katrina Meistering, manager of outreach, National Fatherhood Initiative
Tell of a time you made a mistake and how you dealt with it
"I stole some equipment from my old job, and I had to pay for its replacement." - Meistering
Have you submitted your two weeks' notice to your current employer?
"What is two weeks' notice? I've never quit a job before, I've always been fired." - Meistering
Random responses
"One guy [said] 'it would probably be best' if I didn't run a background check on him. Of course, I did, and learned all about his long, sordid past of law-breaking. Our client actually offered him a job as a staff accountant, but quickly retracted the offer when I had to tell them all about his recent arrest for a meth lab in his basement." - Charles
"[A] guy said he did not have a mailing address, as he was living in a gypsy camp at the airport." -- Sandra L. Flippo, SPHR
"I went into the lobby to pick up a candidate. As he stood up, his trousers fell to the floor! [He said] 'Oh, my gosh -- they told me I needed a suit for the interview. I've got no money -- so I borrowed this thing. It's too big!'" - Beth Ross, executive and career coach
"Wow -- I'm not used to wearing dress shoes! My feet are killing me. Can I show you these bloody blisters?" - Bolzan
"May I have a cup of coffee? I think I may still be a little drunk from last night." - Smith
(During a telephone call to schedule the interview) "Can we meet next month? I am currently incarcerated."- Smith
"[A candidate] was asked whether he could advocate impartially on behalf of the various universities he would be representing since he had attended one of them. He responded, 'Well, I don't like to poop where I eat, but I thought my education sucked, so I certainly wouldn't put that school above the others.'" - DarbyBoy Dies After Being Refused Liver Transplant
A young alcoholic denied a liver transplant because he was too ill to prove he could stay sober outside hospital had begged his mother to help him live.Gary Reinbach, 22, was terrified and pleaded with his mother to do something hours before his death. His last words to her were: 'Please help me Mum, I don't want to die.'
National guidelines dictate that to qualify for a donor organ, a potential recipient must prove he has the determination to stop drinking by remaining abstinent for six months.
'All he wanted to do was prove that he was serious, and that he wouldn't drink again. But he never had the chance to prove himself properly because he was too fragile to be sent home, Miss Hanshaw said.
Obama Hiding Health Care Meetings
"The Obama administration has turned down a request from a watchdog group for a list of health industry executives who have visited the White House to discuss the massive healthcare overhaul.""Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics said it would file suit against the Obama administration as early as today. The group already has sued the administration over its failure to release details about visits from coal industry executives."
"As a candidate, President Obama vowed that in devising a healthcare bill he would invite in TV cameras -- specifically C-SPAN -- so that Americans could have a window into negotiations that normally play out behind closed doors."
Story link.
Obama's Pick for Regulatory Czar wants Animals to be able to Sue Humans
President Obama's nominee for "regulatory czar" has hit a new snag in his Senate confirmation process -- a "hold" by Texas Sen. John Cornyn, who's says he's not convinced that Harvard professor Cass Sunstein won't push a radical animal rights agenda, including new restrictions on agriculture and even hunting.
"...specifically the fact that he wants to establish legal 'rights' for livestock, wildlife and pets, which would enable animals to file lawsuits in American courts..."
"he also advocated restricting animal testing for cosmetics, banning hunting and encouraging the general public to eat less meat."
Story link.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Obama Appointed Eugenics Advocate
President Obama's "science czar," Paul Holdren, once floated the idea of forced abortions, "compulsory sterilization," and the creation of a "Planetary Regime" that would oversee human population levels and control all natural resources as a means of protecting the planet.
Story link.
American Eugenics Archive link.
How Buck Knives Decided to Move HQ
Boy, Kalifornia sounds like a GREAT place to live, work, and own a company!
Excerpt:
What was the tipping point that led to the move?
Two things. Workers Comp rates in Southern California had gotten out of control. There was also a serious resource issue that was scary with rolling blackouts and water rationing that all led to uncontrollable utility bills.Story link.
Mike Weston Burned!
Miami Beach police say they arrested "Burn Notice" star Jeffrey Donovan on suspicion of drunken driving.Story link.
Monday, July 20, 2009
USMC Toughens Swim Qualification Standards
The Corps intends to change that by drastically overhauling the combat swim program for every Marine. Under a proposed plan, the bare minimum will become far more rigorous, forcing Marines to jump in the water with a full combat load, swim in boots and learn to escape a sinking vehicle.
Story link.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Free AK-47 with Every Truck Purchase!
This guy has the news-chick on the run! She is legitimately confused... LOL
I wish I needed a truck!
Max Motors website.
Some E-Books Are More Equal Than Others
This morning, hundreds of Amazon Kindle owners awoke to discover that books (Animal Farm, 1984) by a certain famous author (George Orwell) had mysteriously disappeared from their e-book readers. These were books that they had bought and paid for—thought they owned.
Story link.
Amazon support page regarding incident. Link.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
World Currency Coin Unveiled
Medvedev Shows Off Sample Coin of New ‘World Currency’ at G-8 Conference. Link.United Future World Currency Program. Link.
I really do not want to be in the New-world-Order camp, but I'll be damned if there is not some scary stuff going on as of late...
